THE THING ABOUT MOMENTUM

I guess everyone has their anxiety switch and I’ve got mine. One of the things that turn on the red light in my head is when my middle (tummy and waist) begins to expand. I’m not a chubby person so it flips me out to have a big tummy with a small everything else. Anyways, I noticed I had to fight my way into the top of my church dress on Sunday and then my jean yesterday…….red light! So I decided to start running in the mornings (the thing about law school is that your every minute is planned and you do more of mental work than physical activity so except from walking the short distance between the necessary places, you get little or no exercise).

Life in NLS

 

In many ways, I saw life in that 45minute exercise and by the time it was over I had learnt some things. Things like:

1)      That instant before you start

My plan was to be ready at 5.30am then flash my friend to come out of his hostel (I had made an arrangement with a friend the previous day and he had given me a lecture about how he would leave without me if I wasn’t ready and out by 5.30). sure I was ready but he wasn’t and didn’t come out of his hall for another 15minutes during which I had enough reasons (or so I think) to crawl right back into the comfort of my bed. The dawn breeze was chilly and surely I couldn’t run with a jacket, steve(my friend) didn’t appear to be coming and I wasn’t going to risk going round the school by myself at barely dawn plus all the street lights and the hostel lights were out. It was dark and intimidating and just the right situation for me to relapse into my procrastination business and wait till tomorrow. Life is like that. Every new or unusual venture comes across as intimidating at first but should you consider that and wait for the perfect union of timing, resources and zeal, you’re simply never going to start.

2)      Keeping to the tracks

      

The first thing Steve told me was to start really slow (the path from the hostel was untarred and bumpy and we couldn’t see) but me feeling hyped about my run and of course wanting to prove that I’m athletic decided to go on at my own pace. I’d barely gone a full 60seconds when I tripped and landed on the ground (the dude didn’t even tell me sorry). Of course, I’d learnt my lesson. When starting out on a new path, excitement and previous knowledge isn’t always enough of a match against experience. For a little while, you might wanna follow a well laid pattern and take some good useful instructions.

3)      You’re not alone

Of course, the only reason I needed steve around was so I wont be the only one out by myself while the school slept but as I waited outside my hostel, two people walked past me into the dark, we met two other people after we eventually set out and I later saw an aerobics class going on at the field (they had definitely been there before I came out). As we set out to take up unfamiliar activities, its only natural that we might have to start alone but trust me, you’re never the only one on that path. After a while, you either meet up with people who have gone ahead or someone coming from behind you catches up. Either way, you’ll find like minds at some point if you keep moving in the right path.

4)      Out of breath

I’d always been one for keeping fit and exercising but skipping, stretches and sit ups are just about it. I never run for exercise. 5minutes into my run, I was fairly certain I wasn’t going to make it round the school and if I did, I’d made up my mind it wont be more than once. It felt like the air was blowing tiny needles right into my throat and with every breath I drew in, my throat burned. My heart was beating so fast it would probably burst out of my chest any minute and my legs felt shaky (especially after my fall) but I kept at it. By the time I was through the first round, I’d started floating (I was light) and so I went the second round. Steve had been running for a while and he circles the school twice; I’d just started and in one day I did just as much as he because I kept at it. If you stop each time you seem or feel out of sync or breath, you’d never know how far you can go or your potential in that area, field, profession or business but if you push yourself just a little farther with each step, you feel natural at it after a while.

5)      Shedding

       

As the sweat poured out of me, I realized I was each step closer to getting my figure back. I was shedding the excesses in my body which I did not need. When I was reading up on my weight loss options, I’d read that running not only helps you work up a sweat, it speeds up the rate of your heartbeat so that it pumps blood faster and your organs work better at burning excess fat and bla bla. There’s a Yoruba adage that twenty children cannot remain playmates for twenty years. This I believe is because as they grow, their distinct personalities begin to show and clash, experience and desires differ and gradually they don’t have much common ground to keep together. As we keep moving in life, we shed away the things and people who are not relevant to our life. Some might be dear to us but if they’re not helping to move that stage of our life along, they’re definitely going to be a baggage and the lesser the baggage, the easier it is to move along but when we don’t move, we unconsciously cling to the present and keep getting bigger in stagnancy.

6)      Gaining

While I set out only to run, I returned to my room with renewed confidence and this article in my head. With every step I took and everything I noticed, one new paragraph took shape in my head and soon it wasn’t just a run anymore. As we move along in life, we begin to see and experience new things while the ones we had hitherto known and seen now have entirely new meanings to us if we’re open to seeing it from a motion angle.

At the end of my run, I knew one thing for sure, I’ll do it again tomorrow and the day after and the next and this time if steve doesn’t come out early, I’mma be doing the leaving behind.

PS: I need to buy running shoes or go get the ones I left in Lagos before I destroy my cute green Ted Baker sneakers (not showing off or anything) *wink*

Bukola Odu

TWIS

TAMING ‘ME’

‘That’s just me being me’.

        It’s one of the worst and most used clichés I’ve come across in my lifetime. We use it to excuse the stupid things we do. When we do people wrong and would rather not apologise for our idiocy. When we don’t want to push ourselves to get a better result but would rather stay in our comfort zone(s). when we just refuse to conform to the ‘norm’ in our environment (which could be positive at times).

I’m one of the people who finds a reason every day to be grateful to God for the way I am. Not that I’m perfect (absolutely not) but I most certainly adore myself. I believe in the power of the individual very much and as such am fascinated with ME. But then again, even I recognize that little pal ME has a huge tendency to become rather self-indulgent and go overboard at times:

Sometimes, there is a need to tame ME:

When ME hurts others without thinking about it:

There’s a saying in law that ‘your right to scratch your nose ends where my right to protect my nose begins’ (in other words, you’re allowed to scratch your nose but don’t elbow me in the face while at it). One of the downsides of being the lastborn in a yoruba home is that I started cooking for the family and doing practically all the house chores when I was barely 12 so I basically grew up a ‘caretaker’. So on some days, I wake up seeking only to do something for myself and just be selfish for once and Lord knows I need it occasionally or I would just go insane. That’s just ok but watch out for the times when in your bid to have your complete 3-square meal you walk past someone who’s still hoping for just one or spill sand in theirs. Insensitivity I have discovered is a kind of sensitivity too; except that it is sensitivity only to one’s self.

When ME postpones growth

I love ME days or as some people call it ME time. I get to do all the things I love to do but haven’t done in a while because I have to do other serious things like read ahead of my bar exams or write an article I have to submit at work or cook for my family. Left to me, I’d rather just sit around and watch movies all day or listen to music and fantasize about my big future. To some people, everyday is ‘me’ day. Pushing things that help your future till tomorrow because ‘they just don’t seem appealing right now’. Trust me, they never do; that’s why we’d rather read a novel than read a textbook or a bible and we could sit through an entire season of the 24 series in a day but not through a sermon or a 3hour lecture. Weigh your activities. If you find you’ve been putting off too many important things for the easy stuff just cos you’re waiting to ‘feel like it’, I think its time to tame ME.

When ME is someone else

If you can attach most of the things you do and call ‘me’ to one person or the other and even though you love doing those things, you find they’re not originally your ideas and you would otherwise have not done them then I think your ‘me’ needs some cheking and redefining.

When ME always takes but never gives

That’s the worst and unfortunately most common human trait. Odd that its easy to not notice it. We look to people hoping to receive. We wait to be greeted but get angry when someone walks past us without saying hi, dress to be complemented but we wouldn’t tell a person they look good just so they don’t think too much of themselves. We pray to be forgiven but demand an apology for every wrong done to us. We want showers of blessing but would only pay tithe when its not a chunk of our salary or when all other expenses have been sorted out and we’re sure to be secure for a while. We wouldn’t say a simple ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ to the hairdresser, the gateman or the supermarket attendant because we pay them afterall but we expect our boss to repect us because we work hard and dress corporate anyway.

When ME is self indulgent

There’s a difference between having a life of your own (being able to do things alone and achieve much with standalone efforts even in the absence of company) and being supercilious (contemptuously indifferent and arrogant). Its ok to have a life not necessarily linked to another’s like the dependence of Siamese twins conjoined in the head but when you begin to see people as pawns on a chessboard who are of no importance and lifeless except you chose to move them at will, ME is in need of taming.

When ME is afraid

Sometimes we want things so badly and deep down inside we know we can do it but on the outside, everyone agrees that we’re the quiet reserved one who doesn’t want much out of life because we wont show it. Like when you realize you just cant step away from the mirror when you’re alone because it’s the only one that knows how well you can act but you’d never act in church or take up a role in a class presentation. You write beautifully but its all in your journal locked up somewhere and you say things like ‘that journal is my life’. No offence but I think your ‘me’ sucks and needs suppressing for a bolder ‘me’ to take over.

My opinion; be who you are as much as you can but take a break from time to time to see the world around you. Don’t desire things so much that it makes you harm another or forget the inconsistency that life represents. Don’t get too comfortable; you could swap places with anyone in the blink of an eye so in whichever place you find your ‘me’, let there be balance.

Bukola T. Odu

TWIS

THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID...

My father (whom I adore and respect so much and whose jawline I completely took) used to say that none of his female children would ever wear trousers during his lifetime. Today, the only skirts in my wardrobe are my native outfits and the black skirts imposed on me by the legal profession (and he’s still alive by the way).

     When I was writing my final year project (I wrote about criminal tendencies), I came across the concept of physiognomy – the assessment of a person’s character or personality from his outer appearance, especially the facial features (it was well accepted by the ancient Greek philosophers) The concept was born out of an attempt to explain the cause of crime.

According to Havelock Ellis, there was a law in medieval England which stated that ‘if two persons fell under suspicion of crime, the uglier or more deformed was to be regarded as more probably guilty’. (quote from my project. Yay!)

     Annoying and unjust as the idea is, it ruled and determined the fate of countless people whose only crime was to not have being born beautiful. This theory continued for years before it was impeached by another theory of crime.

     For years, twin children (that many people desire so much today. Me included) were considered evil among some tribes in Nigeria and so were killed in infancy. I can only wonder for how long that barbaric tradition was considered a norm before God intervened through Mary Slessor (a British missionary).

While these things have been abolished, others have taken their place in seemingly harmless modernized form. Times have changed but people are still living under the bondage of strong impressions birthed out of arbitrary opinions. I watched countless people sob like children on American Idol because Simon Cowell told them they’re horrible singers (granted that some people’s singing make you go ‘are you kidding me’?) but ‘you’re not a good singer’ is not the same as ‘you’re a horrible singer’ and it depends on which one you chose to hear. It starts from the little ones refusing to go to school because their peers and classmates call them fat. Then you begin to hear of high school students committing suicide just ‘cos a teacher tells them they’d never be good enough and then you have those adults who are cursed with the mentality that Nigeria will never be free of corruption and crime just ‘cos we’re a black nation with a black reputation.

     Funny thing is, these things did not just spring up out of nowhere and if you ask those who practice them, they often have (in some very thwarted way) ‘good’ reasons for holding such beleifs. I think its absolutely ok to have a belief but search deep and you’d find that the bulk of our beliefs these days are only handed to us either by the books we read, the movies we see or the people we have come to trust and have confidence in.

     My editorial team leader in church once said to me, ‘at 21years old, your values are pretty much fixed so be careful what you believe’. While I cant specify a date, I also agree that there’s a point in our lives when we ought to create values and solid positive opinions about ourselves and our course in life. Making a conscious decision to hand pick what rules our mind which is the center of our being and shed away what’s left after the selection.

     I’m talking about friends who would rather tell you your laughter is ‘annoyingly loud’ instead of ‘hearty’ or who would rather call you ‘talkative’ and ‘loquacious’ instead of ‘expressive’. Mentors who would tag your efforts ‘desperate’ and ‘oversabi’ rather than ‘thorough’ and ‘devoted’. Brother’s who wouldn’t let you ride their bicycle just ‘cos you’re a girl (that’s if any bicycle riding 6year old gets to read or understand this). Really cool TV personalities who sing meaningless songs and promote pre-marital sex even when they’re against your values and better judgement.

     While there’s some people and things we cant eliminate from our lives. Like our parents, our nationality, our family and friends, we can wisely create a filter in our hearts for the things they present to us.

Our opinions and ability to make choices are God’s gift to us and life is like a debate in which the winner is not the one with the better side (view) of the topic but the one with the better oratory and convincing skills. You might not be good at convincing others but you’re definitely capable of holding a definite positive perspective to life. Please do. It sucks to follow the crowd.

  

“Never let your rearview mirror be bigger than your windshield” (cant remember the original source of that but I heard it from a friend)

Bukola Odu

Buzz

MY STORY OF LOVE

Bukola Odu once wrote,

Sometimes, to hear someone’s heartbeat, you’ve to stop yours for a while. (Jeez! it feels so good to quote myself.)

I was just beginning to settle into the boredom and dryness January represents in my mind when my friend reminded me that valentine was around the corner. Not that I’ve ever been one to attach much to the day but it definitely is something to look forward to and write about too. So I decided to tell my love story……

        Me and him had been friends since we were but innocent children. They used to live in the big house next to our block and flat. One day I got left behind by the school bus and he missed his bus just to walk home with me. That’s when we became friends. We were just seven and nine I guess. Between growing up, boarding school and university we grew apart. I never even thought of him till I came home one Christmas break. As I stood on my father’s balcony, he just stared at me. It took me like 3minutes to recognize the laughing boy from across the other side. The geek glasses now replaced by a more fancy adultish one and a kind of subtle handsomeness had covered the childhood innocence. I don’t know how I knew but something told me he was the one at my door the next morning. The first two things he said to me as I opened my gate was ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘I think I want to marry you’. ‘Smug’ being my middle name, I simply answered ‘you’re still thinking about it?’. Six months later, we started dating. He’s now a doctor and I’m soon to be out of law school. It’s been 2years now and its been pure bliss…….

        Ok! You just read a one paragraph lie. Except for some few misplaced truths, that was basically fiction (you’re going to have to apply if you want to hear about my love life. Haha!). in my defence though, what I just told is what most people want to hear, read and have.

        The thing about love stories is they’re generally meant to be happy and gay all the way. No hitches, no issues, just all butterflies and isn’t that just great? To have that one perfect relationship with that one perfect person through whose eyes you see the world and who is your refuge from the insanity called life. The one into whose body you fit perfectly and whose smile ties your insides in a strong knot. We all want that.

        Personally, I always imagined a man who would make me laugh and let me love God more than him in our 20’s.

who would love me more than money in our 30’s.

Dance runnyman with me and bring me chocolate in our 40’s.

Carry me in a twirl dance in our 50’s.

French kiss me in our 60’s.

Take me on walks n tuck flowers behind my ears when we’re seventy-ish…..

Grand right? I noticed. I also noticed that its all filled with me, me, me. If he would do this for me and let me do that and give me those, bla bla bla. Truth is, most people who crave for this never get it. Not because there is no such thing but because they are unwilling to write their own love stories.

        Somewhere in the combination of Hollywood movies and the excitement of young people in love (which mostly turns out to be lust anyway), we seem to have thrown away the beautiful culture of giving and sacrificing such that when we say ‘I love him/her’, we’re actually saying I love what he gives me, how he treats me, how he makes me feel, how he looks et al. There’s almost always something attached to the way we love.

        In reality, you sometimes have to create the kind of love life you want. Just as the golden rule in life is to treat people as you want them to treat you, the rule of an enduring love is mostly to give and be what you want from the person next to you. Love is a giver and its nature is expressed in a constant desire to see the other person smile and be the cause of their every laughter. So as you celebrate this valentine, my challenge to you is to for once turn the tables and let your plans be centered on the next person and what you can do for them rather than what you expect from them. Meanwhile, let purity of heart and mind accompany your every action and keep in mind that Love comes only with the baggage of ease.

(i hope you dance-Lee Ann Womack. i love this song. i think you will too)

Happy Valentine

Ps: this is not restricted only to the people in your life. Extend your heart to someone who really needs it.

Bukola Odu

T.W.I.S