My
father (whom I adore and respect so much and whose jawline I completely took)
used to say that none of his female children would ever wear trousers during
his lifetime. Today, the only skirts in my wardrobe are my native outfits and
the black skirts imposed on me by the legal profession (and he’s still alive by
the way).
When
I was writing my final year project (I wrote about criminal tendencies), I came
across the concept of physiognomy – the assessment of a person’s character or
personality from his outer appearance, especially the facial features (it was
well accepted by the ancient Greek philosophers) The concept was born out of an
attempt to explain the cause of crime.
According to Havelock Ellis, there was a law in medieval England
which stated that ‘if two persons fell under suspicion of crime, the uglier or
more deformed was to be regarded as more probably guilty’. (quote from my
project. Yay!)
Annoying
and unjust as the idea is, it ruled and determined the fate of countless people
whose only crime was to not have being born beautiful. This theory continued
for years before it was impeached by another theory of crime.
For
years, twin children (that many people desire so much today. Me included) were
considered evil among some tribes in Nigeria and so were killed in infancy. I
can only wonder for how long that barbaric tradition was considered a norm
before God intervened through Mary Slessor (a British missionary).
While
these things have been abolished, others have taken their place in seemingly
harmless modernized form. Times have changed but people are still living under
the bondage of strong impressions birthed out of arbitrary opinions. I watched
countless people sob like children on American Idol because Simon Cowell told
them they’re horrible singers (granted that some people’s singing make you go
‘are you kidding me’?) but ‘you’re not a good singer’ is not the same as ‘you’re
a horrible singer’ and it depends on which one you chose to hear. It starts
from the little ones refusing to go to school because their peers and
classmates call them fat. Then you begin to hear of high school students
committing suicide just ‘cos a teacher tells them they’d never be good enough
and then you have those adults who are cursed with the mentality that Nigeria will
never be free of corruption and crime just ‘cos we’re a black nation with a
black reputation.
Funny
thing is, these things did not just spring up out of nowhere and if you ask
those who practice them, they often have (in some very thwarted way) ‘good’
reasons for holding such beleifs. I think its absolutely ok to have a belief
but search deep and you’d find that the bulk of our beliefs these days are only
handed to us either by the books we read, the movies we see or the people we have
come to trust and have confidence in.
My
editorial team leader in church once said to me, ‘at 21years old, your values
are pretty much fixed so be careful what you believe’. While I cant specify a
date, I also agree that there’s a point in our lives when we ought to create
values and solid positive opinions about ourselves and our course in life.
Making a conscious decision to hand pick what rules our mind which is the
center of our being and shed away what’s left after the selection.
I’m
talking about friends who would rather tell you your laughter is ‘annoyingly
loud’ instead of ‘hearty’ or who would rather call you ‘talkative’ and
‘loquacious’ instead of ‘expressive’. Mentors who would tag your efforts
‘desperate’ and ‘oversabi’ rather than ‘thorough’ and ‘devoted’. Brother’s who
wouldn’t let you ride their bicycle just ‘cos you’re a girl (that’s if any
bicycle riding 6year old gets to read or understand this). Really cool TV
personalities who sing meaningless songs and promote pre-marital sex even when
they’re against your values and better judgement.
While
there’s some people and things we cant eliminate from our lives. Like our
parents, our nationality, our family and friends, we can wisely create a filter
in our hearts for the things they present to us.
Our
opinions and ability to make choices are God’s gift to us and life is like a debate in which
the winner is not the one with the better side (view) of the topic but the one
with the better oratory and convincing skills. You might not be good at
convincing others but you’re definitely capable of holding a definite positive
perspective to life. Please do. It sucks to follow the crowd.
“Never let your rearview mirror be bigger than
your windshield” (cant remember
the original source of that but I heard it from a friend)
Bukola
Odu
Buzz
